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Dear mommy & daddy,

I recently read somewhere (I think the Bible) that you can’t blame ignorant for being ignorant if you refuse to help them stop being so ignorant. With that thought in mind, I’ve decided to write down a few recipes to make mealtimes easier for all of us.

Both of you seem to be confused concerning what a “meal” is. Meals aren’t supposed to be punishment, they are supposed to be delicious. Do you understand? Please let me know if I’m going to fast or blowing your mind open.

Dinnertime is hard for all of us and I know why: you have terrible recipes. I’ve compiled several of my favorites below. Please print them out and put them on a fridge using a magnet. When it’s time for cooking, follow it and don’t get creative.

Honest Toddler Approved Recipes
 1. Toast with Butter

Hold on to your seat! This is a yummy one!!

Step 1: Find an unbroken piece of perfect bread with no rips.
Step 2: Put in toaster. Don’t get distracted by a Facebook fight you have no business participating in.
Step 3: When toast pops out, INSPECT IT. Is it a uniform golden brown color? Is it still intact? If not, return to Step 1.
Step 4. Butter toast liberally.
Step 5: Ask toddler how he or she would like toast prepared or cut. Don’t make assumptions. You don’t know anything about anything.
Step 6: Serve toast.
Step 7: Has toddler changed their mind about toast? Does toddler want cut up toast to be whole again? Repair toast with your mind. If you’re not powerful enough, return to Step 1 AS MANY TIMES AS IT TAKES. DON’T BE LAZY

ELES conhecem a Pipoca!!!